By Amy H., Adoptive Mom
Four months ago, after starting the TBRI classes and being “awakened” to what my children really needed from me, I was crying to my therapist that I didn’t know why God would send children to me who I frankly didn’t have the skill set to give them what they needed. I wrote in my journal, “I know my kids need a more nurturing mom, and I seriously question if I am that kind of mom.” I was crushed to think that I couldn’t give my kids what they needed. Seriously, what could be more heartbreaking? Because I really love them! I remember one therapy appointment when I said to her, “Rex is just so mad at me all the time!” She said to me, “Well, you’re really mad at him all the time.” Whoa. I had never thought of that before. I really was at rock bottom as a mom. I determined to make things better. Over time, through the techniques I am learning in the classes, I have completely turned things around for our family. It hasn’t been easy. Sometimes I wondered if anything I was doing was making any difference. Rex seemed more angry at me for several weeks, but I have since seen Rex blossom into a completely different kid. He looks at me with that sparkle in his eyes again. He is not afraid of me anymore. I want to be with him and close to him. I want to listen to him and meet his needs. I want to help heal his wounded heart.
I was so touched to learn in the class that in order to heal a broken attachment, a new healthy attachment must be formed. It is my humble honor to serve my children in the healing of their hearts. Words cannot describe how thankful I am for what I have learned. I used to worry about my kids being successful in the future, but now I just worry about today. I know if I can help them feel loved, accepted, and to regulate their emotions, they can do anything. What started as “going through the motions” for me, has turned into the biggest change of heart I have ever experienced. I am more proud of the change I have made as a mom than anything I have done in my whole life. I have realized that most of the world is teaching us to push our children away, and that the answer is really to draw our children near to us. I have not lessened my expectations of my kids (like practicing their instruments), but I choose to support them more fully through the things they are doing. As Rex’s emotions have regulated, everything is easier for him. He pushes through hard things like piano and homework. He is more of a team player on his basketball team. Practicing is not a fight. Chores are not a fight. He accepts no. There are still meltdowns and bad days, but I feel like I have the toolbox to help. My second son Oliver is now going through an emotional funk, and it makes me sad, but I feel like I know how to move forward, instead of “trying a million different things” like I would have done before.
Thank you for teaching me how to nurture my kids and help them gain a voice in our family. Not only is the material fantastic, but your approach and teaching style is great. You are easy to understand, you share personal stories, and you respond to questions in a supportive way.