By Ben Lusz, Director of Events and Volunteers
The world is your oyster, enjoy the possibilities.
Matt and I were in our late 20s and invited to a wedding. It gave Matt an opportunity to meet my childhood friends, and for me to catch up on their travels and see who was building a family. The nuptials happened, and everyone moved onto the important part…the reception. During this reception, instead of joining our friends on the dance floor doing the chicken dance, we found ourselves hanging out with their children. Then that moment happened when Matt I looked at each other and decided our life of freedom and no children may not be our long-term plan…parenthood was on the way; we were expecting.
We took the scenic tour to parenthood. Starting with classes to see if we would get scared, or if those providing the education would tell us we shouldn’t be parents. Then we worked on the background check and finally getting our homestudy and a green light to pursue adoption.
We started the journey with hopes of one perfect little girl under the age of three that would likely become head of the cheerleading squad. We weren’t interested in a boy because we assumed he would be captain of the football team and embarrassed by his gay parents. Some close friends informed us we had to stop putting our “hetero-sexist crap” on children we didn’t even have yet. So we dropped the gender restriction on our request list.
I am not sure when or how the next change happened to our record. However, I do remember thinking that although we could empathize with our child’s past, we would never be able to truly understand. If we had a sibling set, they would have someone with them who would truly understand their past.
Needless to say, we didn’t adopt a little girl under the age of three. We adopted two biological brothers ages five and seven. One has memories of their biological parents and the other only remembers based on the stories shared by his brother. They are the best of friends and the worst of enemies, like most siblings. We have lived together for more than seven years, and neither will be leading the football team (because I won’t allow football), and neither will be leading the cheerleaders (being teenage boys their coordination is in question at all times).
When I review our path and how we got to where we are today, it all seems very loose and free. If you are considering adoption I guess I would offer that advice; allow for the journey, keep yourself open to all possibilities. I missed not changing diapers, singing nursery rhymes, midnight feedings, and poopy diapers; but I have two very different relationships with each child, they teach me perseverance (most days), and neither openly talks about being embarrassed to have two dads – sometimes tentative to bring it up, but never embarrassed.